I was asked to share my testimony of "Surrendering to Love" at church today. They only gave me 3-5 minutes and I procrastinated as long as my sweet husband would allow me to, before I forced myself to sit down and write what I would share today. Following is what the Lord laid upon my heart to share:
Surrendering to Love
Before I can share about surrendering to loving another, I have to share a little, not so pretty history about myself. At a very young age I was violated and both my innocence and dignity were stolen from me. I never could have imagined the impact this would one day have on, the low value I would place on myself, how I would interact with others, especially men and the lack of trust it would instill deep within me. It was only after two disastrous marriages, which served to reinforce my feelings of worthlessness and lack of trust, that I hit rock bottom and turned to Christ. But, accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior wasn’t a magic pill. I wasn’t suddenly a mature, loving, trusting person. I had some very deep wounds I was unaware of that needed the Lord’s healing hand.
The first healing lesson the Lord took me through, was learning to love myself. To place value on who I was as a child of the His. Thankfully, the Lord didn’t stop with that lesson, He had so much more in store for me. It was through the study of His Word that He challenged me, grew me and little by little healing began. Then, by miracle of all miracles He brought a man into my life like I had never met before, a man of God, whom I knew I didn’t deserve. He was truly a gift from God.
Our first two years of marriage were a test for both of us, but especially for Darren. It grieves my heart to admit that I was angry, hateful, mistrusting and just a downright ugly person. The trouble that reared its ugly head the worst was my inability to trust, which was directly tied to surrendering to loving Darren.
Thankfully the Lord didn’t allow this trouble to be wasted. He used it to draw me deeper into His Word and closer to Him. I studied everything I could get my hands on about marriage, relationships and especially how to be the wife and woman God was calling me to be. It was through God’s healing Word and Darren’s commitment to allowing God to use him in my healing process that I was able to surrender to loving him as God has called me to. Surrendering to love has transformed our marriage and we praise the Lord for the work he continues to do in us and through us.
I pray that the Lord uses this testimony in someway to encourage others, even drawing them to Himself, as He offers the healing only He can give to so many in need of His touch. All praise and glory to Him alone!
There is no Victory without Surrender!